i keep telling myself i’m over him, but i’m not.
everything reminds me of him. every song on the radio, every truck i pass on the highway, every drink i taste, and everywhere i go.

i’m not saying that i loved him. i didn’t. i don’t. i miss him, that’s all. and i’d give anything to see him again. i don’t want him back, i just want to see his face. maybe say something smart and bitter that makes him re-think everything. i don’t really know what i want. and i don’t really know what to do. i’m just tired of hurting, and i’m tired of him being the only constant thought running through my mind.

i can’t move on, because i’m so far beyond fed up that it just doesn’t even appear remotely possible.

i just want closure. i WANT to move on, and forget about him just like he forgot about me. i want to be able to go a day without thinking about him. i want to be able to drink and not convince myself all night not to do something stupid, like calling him.

i just want everything to go back to the way it was. not necessarily to him, but if i could rewind to 3 months ago and just stay…i would. i would stay. i would be happy. and maybe then everything would be okay.

i heard a song tonight on the radio; another girl sings about a boy, just sees his face in every space in every room. and i know that if i turn around, you won’t be there. if i close my eyes, will you be there? i don’t wanna lose your face, and i don’t wanna wake one day and not remember what time erased. and i don’t wanna turn around, ’cause i’m not scared of what love gave me and took away. and i don’t wanna lose your face. i’ve got a picture of you in my bedroom, and i hope it never falls. and i hope i never lose that feeling i used to get when you would call. and now i wonder to myself, who you were and where are you? were you ever here at all? that girl in the song had it so good. i wish i could close my eyes and see you. i wish the sky had your face, and the oceans had your eyes, and the sunset had your lips. and i had you.

xo.

Advertisement